Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
