Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
