he thought i was a dude.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
