we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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