I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Banned from zoo.
Again?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
