i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
