Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
