do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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