I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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