Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
