I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
