I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
