So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
