Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
