He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
