Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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