Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
