wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
