i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
