It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
how drunk are you?
Several
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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