so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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