Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
