Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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