I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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