It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
