she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
