I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
