Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
