apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
