He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
