i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
