I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
