I want to make a zoo with you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
