I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
