Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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