life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
