I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
