Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
