Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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