If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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