My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
