i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
