I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
