Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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