New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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