No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
