If i come over, it means nothing
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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