It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I can't turn off my feet"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
