Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
