did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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